Look Out For Water Cannons This ANZAC Day

A dodgy pub over the road from the MCG yesterday

Most police-blitz-tough-on-crime media releases come across as poorly written, condescending drivel. Here's one..   

Police saturate Yarra streets for ANZAC match

Saturate? What? With water cannons? No thanks. I don't want my front yard to get muddy.

Police will be out and about in Richmond and surrounding areas for the Anzac Day clash between Essendon and Collingwood.

Ahem. "Out and about" as opposed to hanging out, shooting the breeze or pissfarting around?

Police will be monitoring local licensed premises and other places where football patrons gather to ensure that the local community and visitors to the area can enjoy a safe and orderly day out. 

One of the aims of the operation is to identify early indicators of unruly behaviour or drunkenness and deal with the matter before offences are committed or people injured.

OK. It took them 82 words to say police (you notice they don't actually say there will be more police), will patrol pubs near the MCG on ANZAC Day. I have no idea what an "early indicator of unruly behaviour" would be. Maybe it's a dangerous quip, a dirty joke or a furtive glance. If so, arrest me now.

Police intend to take a stance against such behaviour and want the community to know that it will not be tolerated.

I feel like we're already in trouble. But this sentence isn't as tough as it looks. Indeed, it's weak. First, they "intend" to take a stance. If they really mean business, Police will take a stance. That should be a given. And the second half of the sentence is also a given because of course we, the community, know that doing shit against the law won't be tolerated. Telling us this is condescending.

Anyway, a cop is quoted saying the usual, there's always a few hoons out there spoiling it for everybody blah blah, ending with...

“We want people to enjoy themselves, but also be aware that unacceptable behaviour will not be tolerated. Police will take action."

Again, isn't that what police are for?